"i am someone who is looking for love. real love. ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love"

-carrie bradshaw

there is...

a hole in my tummy and a hole in my heart.

but, i'm gonna keep pushing on.

#7 fall in love

it's been a while in the making...and words wouldn't really do it justice.

but, it's happened, it's mine and just too good to share.

"love liberates it doesn't bind. love says 'i love you'. i love you if you are in china. i love you if you are across town. i love you if you're in harlem. i love you. i would like to be near you...i'd like to have your arms around me...i'd like to hear your voice in my ear. but that's not possible now. so, i love you. go."  - maya angelou

"I don't want just words. If that's all you have for me, you'd better go."

F. Scott Fitzgerald

"you make me really happy."

sometimes, those are the only words you need to hear.

night

that night, when we slowed danced by candlelight in the middle of my bathroom floor.

that night...made me very, very happy.

life lately

goodness! you would think that by taking a 12 day stay-cation i would have had ample time to keep up the blog. instead, i've found myself celebrating my birthday for a week straight and spending hours upon hours with friends.

(i even neglected my 'thank you thursday' post this week! yipes!)

i couldn't have asked for a better birthday celebration. i found myself surrounded by an entire room (or courtyard) full of my favorite people. i just couldn't stop smiling, hugging, and telling people how much i love them.

i can't thank all of you enough for making my 29th birthday so special! i can't even imagine what 30 is going to be like!

i've got 3 more days left in my vacation and i can't wait to see what else this weekend has in store.

till next time,

lt

.

happy daddy's day

when i was a little girl, i would crawl  into the driver's seat and pretend to drive whenever you would leave me in the car with my sister. i never understood how your arms could reach all the way to the steering wheel and how your feet could reach the pedals on the floor. you were the biggest, strongest, bravest man i knew - and even to this day you still are (although...i've definitely caught up to you in height!).

happy father's day daddy.

i love you.  

happiest of birthday's to my darling niece, abigail

i can't believe you're already nine years old today!

it seems like just yesterday we were all at the hospital waiting to meet you for the first time. when you were born, i figured i already had the "auntie" thing down - and pretty much considered myself a professional in the babysitting and diaper changing department - i just couldn't wait for a brand new baby to hold.

you are growing up to be such an intelligent, loving, generous little girl and i'm so greatful to be your auntie.

happy, happy, birthday baby!

i love you more than i can put into words.

what a wonderful world

meet the clarksons

one year ago today, heather married her best friend in new orleans, louisiana.

it was a privilege to be a part of such an incredible weekend that was filled with friends, family, food

(oh yeah...let's not forget the booze) and ridiculous amounts of love.

heather, thank you so much for including me in your very special day.

i'm inspired every day as i watch you grow as a married woman, and i hope to one day be lucky enough to marry a man as loving and kind as the one you married.

albeit trivial at times, thank you for always lending an ear to my "single girl" stories.

i promise to always keep them interesting - and to pour you a glass of wine during story time.

congratulations on your first year of marriage!

i love you! (peyton...that goes for you too)

ps: thanks for making sure that i caught the bouquet. i know we didn't plan it...but it was well played out my friend :)

results of the bouquet toss and the garter catching him

on my mind

i'm finding it so difficult to find something interesting to blog about as of late.

after scrolling through endless unfinished posts - i decided i should put fingers to clicking keys and come up with something new. something fresh. something witty.

because i should always be witty. right?

but sometimes i don't want the pressure of always needing to be funny. of always having a punch-line. sometimes i just want to talk about what's on my mind. i read somewhere the other day that the trick to becoming a good blogger is to do just that. blog.

and so i figure why don't i write about...

my darling friend heather arrives from nyc tomorrow morning. after three years of; gmail chats, facebook updates, virgin america flights and endless expressions of missing one another - she is moving with her wonderful husband back to los angeles. it's beyond exciting that in just less than 24 hours i can call her at any time and just simply ask: "do you want to meet me for dinner?"

how i'm yearning to leave town. even if just for a day. or two. or even for the 94 (work week) hours that i've accumulated on my paycheck.

or how i'm excited to explore a new workout regime (which would knock #79 off my list). where i'm hoping for the chance to not only bond with heather and roomie but to challenge myself and hold myself accountable.


or how i've been thinking so much about love lately. or like for that matter. or even how it would be nice to just have a crush. or how i wish that i had someone to to just hold hands with. someone who's hand i actually want to hold. someone to be my teammate.

although, until then i'm perfectly content with sharing my life with my wonderful friends. sharing meals and laughs and endless conversations. and above all else - lots and lots and lots of love

last night i had a dream about you.
that you were here. right next to me.

i dreamt that i could reach out my hand and touch you.

i could smell your skin.

feel your breath.

hear your laugh.

i dreamt that my laugh didn't fall on deaf ears.
you brushed my hair from my face

gazed in my eyes
and told me you missed me as much as i miss you.

this made me very happy

here's a video that one of my favorite people in the world made about getting his finger stuck in a shopping basket at target.

anyone that knows adam can attest that capturing this experience on video is completely normal behavior for him.

and for that, i love love love him

#7 fall in love

remember how i don't take myself too seriously? well. i don't.

however, i think love is pretty damn serious. so i'm gonna take a shot at it

some people think it's weird that i'm single.

actually, let me rephrase that.

there are people that think it's weird that i choose to be single.

because i'm a girl

pushing 30

and girls pushing 30 are supposed to want to be in a relationship.

one that leads to marriage. and children. and a house with a picket fence. and a labrador retriever.

yes.

i want all of that.

but i'm in no hurry

i'm sure i could be married by now.

probably a few times over.

i could be married to some amazing, generous, loyal, loving man

but the men i dated weren't for me

and i'm okay with that.

they're happy

(probably a little too happy)

and i'm the happiest i've ever been.

so it's all okay

because relationships are just a learning experience
a life experience.

and i have a very strong belief that each individual is meant to end up with one particular person

so i don't ever feel like i'm wasting my time with someone who isn't right or missing out on the person i'm supposed to be with

because he's out there

maybe i know him already.

or maybe i haven't met him yet.

regardless, just knowing he's out there waiting for me too, is pretty damn exciting