#23 learn to (really) swim

I should start by saying that I CAN swim. Kinda. I mean, I can swim from one (short) end of the pool to another. If I had to swim to save my life? Well that's another story. Considering the fact that I've surrounded myself with people that were all on a swim team at one point in their lives you would think by now the talent would rub off on me. It has not. 


Attempt 1:

 (I'll call this attempt one, although...my sister might kick me considering she enrolled me in swimming lessons for 3 consecutive summers when I was a child):
Santa Monica

Me: "Since we're already at the beach, you should just try and teach me how to swim"

Kelly: "But the water is so cold!"

Me: "It's fine...we don't really have to get into the water"

Kelly: "Oh. Okay then. Here...when you're swimming, the most important thing is to make sure you do your arms like this"

(Demonstrates the proper formation of a breaststroke)

End result: Fail

Lesson learned: You must in fact get IN the water to attempt the breaststroke

Attempt 2:

My sister's pool

My 11 year old nephew: "Auntie! Jump in with us!"

My two 8 year old nieces (in unison): "Come on Auntie! Jump in!"

Me: "I can't go in the deep in! How are you guys doing that? I want somebody to teach me how to tread water"

All the kids: (laughter - all while treading water)
Me: "Ugh! Someone just hand me the floaties"

End result: Double fail

Lesson learned: I should have paid attention in swimming lessons when I was 6. Instead, I was too busy watching my older sister flirt with the lifeguard. (Hmm..which explains why she enrolled me in lessons in the first place)

Attempt 3:

Malibu

JP: "Come on! Get out here. Get into the water so I can show you how to body surf"

Me: "Uh...I dunno..those waves look kinda big"

JP: "It's fine. Get out here! I'm having a blast and you're missing out"

Me: (standing in water knee deep and splashing myself) "No! I'm having fun! Look!"

JP: "I'm serious! Get out here! You said you want to learn to swim! So come on! Who else would be a better teacher than me?"

Me: "You don't sound very inviting. Kelly was much nicer when she taught me to swim!"

JP: "Kelly didn't even make you get in the water!"

Me: "Technicalities..." (while continuing to splash water on myself)

End result: Fail

Lesson learned: The beach can still be thoroughly enjoyed while on the sand (who needs to body surf anyway?)

#48 go sailing

After learning (over a drunken conversation that involved one too many glasses of champagne drank from a straw- but that's another story in itself) that one of my '101 Things To Do' was to go sailing, Pat (my awesome surf instructor) invited me to come along with him and some buddies one Tuesday afternoon. I grabbed Kelly and her boating shoes, threw on a trucker hat,  (Britney Spears circa K-Fed days wants her look back) and headed out to the Marina.

Remember that important fact I learned about surfing? Yeah...the swimming part. Well, I found that it's not as much a necessity when you go sailing. Unless of course there are six of you on a sailboat - then you run the chance of the boat sinking (perhaps that was something I made up in my own head) and me warning my dear friends that should the boat start to sink, it would be nice if the people that actually know how to swim go overboard and kindly allow me to continue floating down the Pacific peacefully.

Me: "There's a lot of us on this boat"

Pat: "Yeah. I don't think I've ever had this many on here before (laughs) hopefully we won't sink"

Kelly: "Oh for f**ks-sake"

Me: "Well, if we start to sink...I think the polite thing to do would be for all of you to jump     overboard since you know how to swim and I don't"

Pat: "You don't know how to swim? Didn't you just take a surfing lesson?"

Kelly: "Oh for f**ks-sake"

Me: "Technicalities..."

Needless to say I had an amazing time sailing. I mean, there honestly wasn't much to it other than just floating in the ocean - and getting lulled to sleep (all while wishing there was a way to incorporate some sort of BBQ pit on the boat so I could have a burger).

Number 47 - check. Now on to the next...

#10 set foot in all 50 states

There's still only 50 right? I can't keep up. I'll make sure to google it when I'm done with this post. Gotta be honest, I'm not exactly sure where to begin with this one. 50 is a hellofa lot of states - not to mention the cluster-f**k of New England states that just mess with me over there on that one corner of the map. I'm used to states that you can write the whole name in. Is that too much to ask? How else am I supposed to memorize them otherwise? At any rate, I'd like to somehow visit them all - even New Hampshire or Delaware where I'm not exactly sure what I'll see or do there but at the very least I'm sure they'll have food.

With only 10 percent of the US under my belt I've got my work cut out for me.



We've talked about it...the Dixie states and I are all good now. Plus, anywhere that has Chick Fil A and Waffle House is ok with me.



#12 learn to surf (kinda)

I won't go so far as saying I have actually learned to surf. I took a surfing lesson. I did however learn a valuable lesson - swimming evidently is imperative to surfing. Learning to (really) swim is just another thing to knock off this list - but what the hell...I never said I was doing this thing in order! Surfing lessons were thanks to Pat - who owns Learn to Surf LA in Santa Monica. More to come on this one...cus I've made a promise that I'll be "shredin' the nar" one day soon! Now...about those swimming lessons....

#30 create a blog

I'd like to think I'm pretty interesting. Hell...who am I kidding? I think I'm a hoot. So I'm startin' a blog. As grammatically incorrect as it may end up being (did I mention written English isn't my strong point?!) I'm doin' the damn thing. Why you ask? Well, here's the scoop. Months ago I decided to start a bucket list - a list of "101 things to make me a more interesting me" - basically a list of things that I want to do before I die, get married, or have children ( cus isn't that all the same!? Ha! I'm kidding!) and lucky #30 on that list is to create a blog. So world...here I am! Exciting right? Thank you.

Number 30 is just the beginning. There are 100 other items that I've got my heart set on completing (in no particular order) and you'll come to find out that a lot of this list are things that most of you have done by age 6. Hey! What can I say?! I was sheltered! Blame it on the parents (who are hilarious by the way - you'll get tons of stories about them).

The plan is that you'll follow my journey as I successfully (and maybe sometimes not so successfully) attempt to check items off my list. I'll blog about it, post pictures, maybe sometimes even whine a bit...but it'll be fun. I promise! So stay tuned, wish me luck, tell your friends (hell...tell your friend's friends too if they're cool) and I promise you pages upon pages of pictures, goofy thoughts, and just my all about opinion(s) on life. Yay!

Stay tuned!!!